Kiss the Ring:
Hierarchy Matters (It's not what you think)
By: Dr. Karen
Otazo
Excerpted
from The Truth About Managing Your Career... And
Nothing But The Truth.
Someone once asked a Washington insider how to deal
with important people whom you can't stand. His
reply? "You put on your respectful face and you
don't blink." This strategy is known in business
circles as "kissing the ring." Its origins lie in a
much earlier era, when royalty and clerics wore
rings of office denoting their status. Bowing your
head as you kissed their rings was how you showed
respect for their office, while not necessarily
feeling that sentiment towards the characters
themselves.
Why go to the trouble to show deference to
someone you don't personally like or respect? In the
cut and thrust world of business, as in the
political sphere, it's all about survival. Or, to
look at it more positively, enlightened
self-interest. Like it or not, the business world is
structured by a strong sense of hierarchy. Why else
would we be so fixated on gaining promotions and
better titles? Those high up can have a significant
impact upon your reputation and career: positive if
they like you and see you playing by the rules,
negative if they feel slighted by you in some way.
Showing them the appropriate respect helps keep your
career path obstacle free.
"Kissing the ring" might mean responding in a
neutral to positive way when someone important says
something off base in a meeting. Or staying positive
with your boss when he or she doesn't understand
what you're trying to do or say. However irritated
or amazed you feel, keep your facial expression kind
and free of negativity, a kind of poker face. It's
worth practicing this in front of the mirror so that
it's ready to put on when you need it.
"Kissing the ring" doesn't mean being sycophantic
though. It's just about treading carefully around
egos. There's nothing wrong with telling a senior
person that you think there might be a better way of
doing things, but just make sure that you think
strategically and don't react there and then,
especially if there are others present. If you are
genuinely concerned about something you might want
to bring it up in private in a neutral way but not
make a big deal out of it. You do this by talking
about it in a low-key way, tactfully introducing
your point by saying, "By the way, what do you think
of... " or, "Is there is a case to be made for this
other point of view?"
Are there "don't kiss the ring" moments too? You
bet. As soon as anything looks the slightest bit
immoral or illegal you need to stop and think. Don't
jump to conclusions, but once you've confirmed that
something improper is up, do everything you can to
extricate yourself from the situation before you get
into trouble. If, for example, your company requires
that the highest level person at a dinner should
pick up the expenses then you might hesitate before
paying for something so that your boss doesn't have
to put it on his or her expense report. While
illegality is something that you should always
report, without exception. There are ex-employees of
Enron or Health South, currently in jail, who
probably wish they had spoken up, or even left their
jobs, rather than keeping mum.
"Kissing the ring" is one of a repertoire of
respectful behaviors that will serve you in good
stead with high ranking people. At some point in
your career you will have to suck in your gut and
show deference to a senior person whom you can't
stand. Be prepared for it.
Author Bio
Dr Otazo is an author, consultant and global
executive coach. She worked in multi-nationals in
US, China, Indonesia, India, France. See more about
Dr. Karen Otazo at
www.globalleadershipnetwork.com
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